Getting back on the damn horse whether he likes it or not...

Spoke to the RE. He apologized, said we shouldn't have to hear more bad news, and asked if I thought we would be ready to try again soon. I asked if I could start BCP for a new cycle as soon as I start bleeding from this failure, assuming he'd say that I should wait at least one cycle. Imagine my surprise when he seemed relieved that I wanted to start immediately. So now we're just waiting the next few days for bleeding to start and we're off to the races again.

We'll be doing the same protocol as last time, but he said we may tweak it as we go along to try and get more mature eggs (last time we got 9, but only 6 were mature and only 4 fertilized...not so great for someone who was 27 at the time). We're also going to try and go out to 5 days and transfer a single blastocyst rather than a 3 day embryo. I'm not counting on that though. As mentioned, don't expect daily updates or official announcements on day of ER or ET, but I'll still give general information if so inclined.

For a couple hours yesterday after the RE gave us the go ahead to start right back up I felt a little better, but it didn't last. I've just felt completely dead the last few days. I can't function at work, keep breaking into tears while trying to leave people voicemails - it's so professional. I'm real partnership material. This morning I had a nervous breakdown thinking about my Doodles, was just in disbelief that I was ever really pregnant, felt babies moving inside me, and now here we are in a life I can't believe is mine.

We cancelled the appointment to see the apartments because I know us, and if we fell in love with one we would be capricious and sign a lease, even with the uncertainty of our condo ever selling. So we're stuck in the shitty condo...literally shitty, lately I can smell dirty diapers outside the neighbors' door as we leave, they must be putting them out the back door before bringing them down to the trash. That should get the buyers swarming, no?

As a consolation prize, I booked us a weekend at the Peninsula - we get a corporate discount (over 50% price reduction), and I moved my spa appointment to that weekend too. Since we can't go on a real trip because of the flying issues, at least we can pretend to be on vacation for a couple days (even if we do have to go home once a day for the cats).