Still Standing

We have a tiny heartbeat. I could even see it before the RE pointed it out. The machine doesn't measure but he said he would guess it was around 160 bpm, which I think is pretty good for around 7 weeks. So we have bought some more time. I don't know how much. We'll see the RE one more time and if all is ok he'll release me to the OB. I'm keeping the appointment I previously made with the OB even though it will be just a matter of days after our next RE appointment, because the alternative was waiting over 2 weeks which is just not feasible.

If this pregnancy continues I have no idea how DH and I will manage emotionally - but I really hope we are forced to do so. The last 24 hours have been torture. Last night all 3 cats slept surrounding me and I became certain it was because they sensed some impending doom. I haven't felt well today (in a different way than my typical pregnancy queasiness) and remembered how the morning before I went into labor I also felt "off", and thus became convinced my body could tell when something bad was going to happen. I sobbed half the car ride to the doctor's office and was visibly shaking when he told us everything looked good. I don't really think the RE knew what to do with me, I could barely speak a syllable except "thank you", whereas I'm usually full of questions. DH said he could feel a panic attack building all day. So we have that to look forward to for (hopefully) the next 8 months. Sigh.

Stay put little Toodle (that's the name one of my nestie friends bestowed on this one, and I have to admit I kind of like it).